


Smile, diary

by Mitx



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sad Ending, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:13:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25570375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mitx/pseuds/Mitx
Summary: It's a perfect day to grab a diary and write about how you feel, Leorio
Relationships: Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	Smile, diary

"Dear Diary,

September 10, 2019.

Today is the month since Kurapika's suicide, condemned by himself to his so captivating rope. It is, in a way, hypocrisy. That. I accuse him of being hypocritical. 

It's not today that I've been convincing myself more and more of how useless a man like me can be. I walk past pictures of us together and the only thing I notice with that scene in my arid eyes is the blood flowing on my clean hands.

It is, in a somewhat contradictory way, but who am I to question. 

A man who cannot at least take care of his love does not deserve a valid word in the world, and that is why I write here.

My pride kept me from showing my ridiculous weakness, but today I raise the white flag, contradicting Kurapika's happy, yellow positive arguments.

I'm more helpless than I imagined, more useless than I thought. I couldn't protect him, I couldn't convince him, I couldn't help him, or even save him. The only thing I could do was smile momentarily, and of course shed tears. Both mine and his.

Maybe I should join him, and then I'd be a hypocrite too.

According to him, his motives were pressure. But it was never known by whom. Maybe I was pushing him, maybe I was being a terrible boyfriend.

One second, diary, I can't write under tear-soaked pages.

Oh, right. Come to think of it, I make no difference to anyone, maybe even Kurapika. A hunter who wanted money...? Who wants someone like that around?

Maybe Kurapika left because of me, maybe it was my fault, maybe it was my tears. Not everyone can stand me after all.

This is getting too big for a diary. I'll finish up here.

It's just a vent of the great guilt I carry, both in my suitcase and on my back, the pain of not having been able to help him and save him from that damn midnight captivating rope.

I'll be a better man today.

Smile, diary.''

Leorio closed the black notebook and got up from his dusty desk. He opened his drawer and kept his diary next to the string used in Kurapika's suicide.

He went to the window of his apartment, where the blond executed himself and saw Gon calling him downstairs.

He waved, left the edge, used his own jacket to wipe his tears. He looked at the painting where Kurapika smiled as he gave him a passionate kiss, stared for a few moments, drying his face again. He came down from his dark apartment, where he no longer cared to clean it or leave it nice and smiled.

Gon didn't need to see all the arrows that were already stuck in the brunette's back.


End file.
